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Essays and Essays
I woke up in the middle of the night. It was not limited to this night. When you were young, it was natural for you to fall asleep as soon as you put your head on your pillow and not to wake up until the morning. Now it is not the case. You cannot sleep when you cannot go through even after you roll over many times. You go to the bathroom and take sleeping pills and then go back to bed. You can sleep until the morning. There are days when you wake up at six or seven, and there are days when you sleep soundly until nine or ten. I am alone tonight. There are days when you wake up at six or seven, and then there are days when you sleep soundly until nine or ten. I am afraid that the quiet darkness surrounding me will hold me back and crush me. I am afraid that I am alone that night. My husband was hospitalized this morning and is not now. He is an old man. It is probably not unusual for me to be hospitalized in an ambulance and it may be more frequent. I wonder if God gave me a chance to practice today so that I don't get upset or panic. The trials are yet to come. For a couple of eighty seven and eighty two years old, there will be a day when they will return to nothing, but it will not be so easy for them to live long until that day comes. The same thing will look different as they get older, and they will love each other as they get older. The history of the family, the comrades of the neighborhood, their friends, and their separation from their husbands. A collection of essays by the author who was a grandchild of Soseki.